Man-Blog

Better Late than Dead

Editor: Steel Ventus | Section: braingasms | Email this | Viewed 2396 times.

I have this one recurring habit that I can never get rid of since when I was a kid. I know it’s so darn evil and it almost caused me my job and my relationships but I somehow managed to unintentionally create excuses for me to continue doing it. No, it’s not my excessive eating nor my fixation to porn. It’s this lame habit of coming to work (or any appointment at that) 3 to 5 minutes after the arranged schedule.

So I’m not late all the time. On most instances I arrive right on the dot, panting like a dog and literally feeling my heart beating in my eye lids. Blame it on my poor time management, because I do not believe in such. Shit often happens just as I am on my way to work. Say, for instance, I get a last-minute diarrhea, or I encounter a giant meteorite which is about to strike Metro Manila that if I don’t take care of it first billions of people will die, or I just do insignificant stuff (like imagining a big-ass meteorite heading towards Metro Manila killing billions of people in an instant, or just plain dawdling around) too close to the time that it is to leave home for work.

The first step to treating an abnormal fixation is to admit that you are stuck to it. I know I’ve been one hell of a procrastinator, but instead of finding ways on how to stay away from being one, what I came up with were lame excuses which include the following:

• I wasn’t late. There was just a slight delay in my arrival.

• I came in early, boss. I was just in the men’s room brushing my teeth. And when I brush my teeth it normally takes around 20 to 30 minutes tops. See? (flashes a huge grin)

• I had to wait for five minutes for the elevator to get to the ground floor. Can we request for our own express elevator that extends from my home to our entrance? Or at least to have our office moved from the 33rd floor to the second floor?

• Did you notice that stupid van that was obliquely parked downstairs? I didn’t!

• I wasn’t late. I just thought I’d come in early for tomorrow.

• I overslept and dreamt that I was already on my way to work. Then when I woke up and was about to take a shower I realized it was still all part of a bigger dream.

• I went all the way to the office and realized I forgot something so I had to go home to get it.

No, traffic has never been a good excuse. Although it is the root of most of the tardiness that I incur, nobody believes that shit anymore. And I never attempted to give any of these reasons for I might say goodbye to my job faster than my supervisor can say “You’re fired!”