On May 3, 2008, the retarded boys of The Man Blog finally held its highly-anticipated concert, the first-ever Banana Gangbang Rock Festival at Bela Bar in Greenhills. Featuring bands from the members of TMB, it was an awesome night full of face-melting rock and golden beer. Lots of it.
More pictures after the jump.
As some of you may already know, Bim and I were recently tasked by The Mordo to handle two new blogs: Comicology and Cinemabuzz!, respectively. Obviously, the former is comics-centric, while the latter deals with midgets in bikinis. Bim and I terribly needing the cheddar for our heroin addiction notwithstanding, we both really love comics and midgets in bikinis, so it wasn’t that difficult for us to accept the interweb overlord’s offer.
Overwhelmed with jealousy, the rest of the Man Blog editors set out to conceive their own side projects; their “B-sites,” if you will. And they were kind enough to have me take a gander at the material they have so far.
First up is Fritz, whose primary blog has the following URL: fritzified.com. Wanting to cash in on the “-fied” suffix that he claims to have popularized (just play along), he decided to come up with a series of blogs which feature the “-fying” of things. So far, Fritz has one site in the works, and it’s called SISQOFIED! (www.sisqofied.com). And in a TMB exclusive, we’re giving you a sneak peek at what will comprise his first four posts:
Well, according to the product description, the said Harry Potter Nimbus 2000 “features a grooved stick and handle for easy riding. Enhancing the excitement are the vibrating effects and magical swooping and whooshing sounds the broom makes when on.”
Wait, what was that? The broom vibrates? THE BROOM FUCKING VIBRATES?
I think it’s better to leave the rest to your imagination.
In the span of over 4 years of me kvetching and making fun of all things stupid on various blogs I write for, I’ve received many a complicated and horrendously misspelled email or blog comment informing me in very vivid detail of how much I suck.
I’ve always tried to see these comments or emails as constructive criticism; but sometimes, comments like “Mike Villar likes to lick donkey balls because he has the intelligence quotient of a barbecue skewer. Also, he is a gay and a dumb” are too much for even myself to resist:
Yes. Sometimes, I cannot help but retaliate with an effortless strike of witty, obscene, curse-filled polemic whenever comments like these find their way in my inbox. Of course this isn’t exactly a good idea because as we all know, arguments done over the internet last an average of 62 years and sometimes even carries over to your unsuspecting progeny’s internet life. (Most of the flames directed towards me were actually just spillovers from my dad’s tiff with some members of a Dragon Ball Z message board back in 1967)
Now for the secret sauce that’s sure to send those rich, pretentious art majors flying into your longing, intellectual arms: Formulate a sentence using the patented template below:
My Opinion is that _(A)has totally (B)The Novel (C)_ with astounding___(D)___Choices for (A)
Mike Villar, the rising Internet star, child pornographer, and, apparently, all-around Cyberspace owner. The envy I feel towards him is surpassed only by the non-existent boundaries of time and space. And the hatred I feel for him is that unto a the passion of a thousand burning suns.
In other words, he’s a jerk who keeps stealing my thunder!
Also, as suggested by Ade, this will be a mini-series- the Why I Hate Mike Villar mini. So, fellow Mike-haters, expect one of these from each editor (on the planet).
Here’s why I hate him-
Up until yesterday, I regretted not beating you up. I don’t anymore. It would have been nothing but a waste of my time. But should you find that you can’t control your anger again then come to me. I will manage your anger for you. If you want a fight, then face me. I’ll gladly beat you up then. The Mordo is generous like that.
Do you find that your facial hair is starting to spread past your face? Are your knuckles a few inches closer to the ground than normal? Do you feel like you’re spending more and more time climbing trees and throwing feces at your friends?
Well these are the classic signs of what is known as De-Evolving. Don’t be afraid, a lot of people have gone through this phenomenon, and they are now settling fine in their respective zoos.
Let me tell you something about office presentations. They don’t tell you anything that you don’t already know.
That’s right.
When was the last time that you went into a presentation and you told the presenter (presentationer? presentationist?) “Holy Shit! I was not aware of that important piece of information! How could I have been blind all these years? From now on, I will live my life according to what I have learned from you. Quick! Take off your pants and impregnate me with your genius!”
On one hand I see the path of the beatnik. I see an open road filled with adventure and mind-altering substances and stream-of-consciousness poetry and writing as a mystical experience and jive and anti-materialism—things I stood for when I was an excitable teenager. I see the liberation of my mind.
On the other hand I see a more sober path—a path that reminds me how much I like having money, how much I loathe the excesses of artists who look upon themselves as a priestly caste who alone have the power too look into the eyes of God, and how much of my lifespan I have left to relish. I see myself enjoying being a whore. Hell, most of us who have jobs are whores, right?
