'BRAINGASMS' WITH THE MAN BLOG
By Annalyn S. Jusay (now blogging at www.annalyn.net)
The
Man Blog is something you wouldn't like to bring home to mother. But
then again, there are secrets you prefer to hide or enjoy in private
and this is it. Even though it was conceived just a few months ago, TMB
is getting to be the blogosphere's answer to FHM. Mike, Adam, Jangelo,
Pau, Kinylube, Fritz and Emer are simply the wackiest, most
irrepressible and irreverent of the banana bunch. Did somebody else say
"gifted?" You have to read 'em to find out:
Q. How did the idea for The Man Blog come to be? Pau
: Wait, this is an email interview? I spent a month's salary buying
this spiffy new tux I'm wearing right now and you're telling me we
ain't even gonna get to see each other?!
Adam Mordo : After a long day at the office, Mikey and I were
smoking weed in our building's fire escape when from out of nowhere, a
bright light erupted from the doorway and then Chuck Norris walked in
and commanded us to create The Man Blog. Mikey and I were both stoned
but neither of us were stupid enough to argue with Chuck Norris. Did
you know he can unscramble an egg?
Q. How did you gather all the writers/contributors together?
Pau : I was hoping that we could have done this over lunch or dinner maybe? I even shaved my chest for you! Adam Mordo : We used beer for bait.
Kinkylube: Mike's the slave-driver. He saw my smut and told me that he really think I'm a fantastic erotica/porn writer. Mike:
The Man Blog editors are the best of the best as ensured by our strict
editorial screening process . I spent around three weeks scouring the
internet for witty individuals with low self-esteem who'd willingly
write for the site in exchange for a little recognition and a fruit
platter.
Q. What does your blog have that the other blogs don't have?
Adam Mordo : We have a nifty logo, a fist. How cool is that? Our
advertising blurb would go, "Writing so awful, it's better than good."
Emerson : “We are 150 grams more manly than the leading manly blog!” Pau : What am I supposed to do now with a hairless chest? I hope you're happy you saucy minx. Q. Honestly, I thought The Man Blog was a foreign blog. The humor isn't even Pinoy. Comment?
Pau: Oh I'm foreign alright. What's inside my pants is of foreign proportions if you catch my drift. Kinkylube: Heck I thought Pinoy was a Sumerian dessert. Mike:
Well basically, almost all of us belong to the retarded
somethingawful.com, and pointlesswasteoftime.com generation. While most
people have posters of Basketball stars and movie stars up in their
rooms, we have framed pictures of JeffK and Cliff Yablonski on our
nightstands. Q. What's your most popular post so far? "
The Atrocities of Friendster" has become an email classic, how violent
were the reactions?
Kinkylube: I have no idea. However, if I were to hazard a guess, I'd
say the most popular posts must be the ones where all the editors
circle-jerk in the comments section. Adam Mordo : That
would actually be the “Atrocities of Friendster” and the slightly newer
“Myspace Patrol.” Atrocities received massive amounts of hate mail,
mostly kindergarten insults that simply bounce of our pachydermal
hides. The last time we checked though there's already a prayer group
invoking our early demise. Oddly though, Myspace Patrol hasn't received
a single piece of hate mail which is just sad.
Mike: We are aware that some people might find it hurtful, but being
hideously disfigured individuals ourselves we've learned that being
overly sensitive about it does not help our cause. So we ugly
individuals have evolved a thick hide, practically impenetrable to
criticisms such as these.
Emerson : It's giving me sleepless nights trying to think of a good
defense. Prison is rough and would definitely not be a good place for
Mike Villar's tender *ss.
Pau : I have a very popular "post." Inside my pants. My spiffy new
pair that makes my butt look like it belongs in a museum. But seeing as
how we're communicating through email, I guess you'll never know. Q.
How did you clinch the elite membership in 9rules. What would you
consider your greatest accomplishment in the few months or so since
your blog's inception?
Adam Mordo : I guessed we pushed harder than anyone ever did. We
sent them numerous gift baskets and all the fruitcake we received for
Christmas. We also sent our naked pics which now that I think about it,
probably wasn't a very good idea. When that didn't work we threatened
to call them racist pigs if we get rejected and the rest as they say is
history.
Mike: I feel that the main factors with regards to us being accepted
into 9Rules are content and design. These are non-negotiable elements
of a successful blog and we are all proud that 9Rules saw both of these
in TMB. Apart from 9Rules, The Man Blog is also
part of The Erati community of creators, one of the most aggressive
blog networks in the blogosphere today. The deal involves me flying to
Utah every week to wash Erati's Senior Content Developer David Krug's
car. Our greatest accomplishment so far is being
inducted into two of the top blog networks in the world just barely
over a month from TMB's launch date. This is nothing close to our
ultimate goal which is to get laid via the internet, but we'll take
it. I don't know about the other editors, but I am
proud to say that I received quite a few marriage proposals from
adoring fans and I'm positive at least one or two of them are sincere.
I think. Q. How important are the following to you: traffic, search engine results, advertising revenues, comments?
Kinkylube: Chicks, I think.
Pau : I'm afraid we got off on the wrong foot. What say you and I meet at my place and we could get off our feet together?
Emerson: Ad revenue good. Traffic from hot chicks even better. Adam
Mordo : Traffic? Well, we sure could use a lot less of it. Everyday on
EDSA it's the same story as I'm sure you're well aware. The last time I
searched my engine I found the remains of Jasmin, my cat, who's been
missing for several months, so I'd say search engine results are pretty
important if not a bit tragic. Ad revenue would be really nice. I wish we had some. Comments are cool but we need cash.
Mike : For me, everything takes a backseat to content. We are proud
of our content. I mean it's easy to read content from other blogs, put
in a sentence or two of your own opinion then regurgitate it into your
blog and call it your own post. We do NOTHING of that sort. We
plagiarize from other sites but that's about it. Q. What's your vision for TMB? Adam
Mordo : We're hoping to get our own TV show soon. Calling the attention
of Mr. Enrico Santos of ABS-CBN! We could easily replace the painfully
unfunny "male oriented show" on channel 23. We don't like to name names
but I'm sure you know what we're talking about!
Kinkylube: Why is vision important? Can't we do something for the
sake of doing something? Must we be goal-oriented all the time?
Emerson : Oh God. I'll be happy just to not get sued within the next few months.
Pau : You, me, and two glasses of appletinis on a secluded tropical
island where we are worshipped by the natives who show their adoration
by throwing little bananas at us every time we walk by.
Mike: Get laid via the Internet! LOLROFLOMGWTFBBQ!!!!! Q. Please tell us about your site design and the content management (blogging) system you're using.
Adam Mordo : We're running on Textpattern, perhaps one of the best
CM systems around, arguably second only to Calliope, which every
serious blogger knows is simply the best.
Mike: We are honored to have a talented team we brought in from
India in charge of our site design. This team is headed by Design guru
Jolo Santos (http://avlack.com/blog) who we keep locked in a secret
basement living off leftovers from our nightly parties.
Q. What other zany things can we expect from TMB in the next few months? Adam
Mordo : We honestly don't know. But I guess that's the beauty of it all
isn't it? There are a lot of of ideas in the air like the "Red Horse
Diet" which requires one of us to consume nothing else but Red Horse
Beer after 6:00pm. We want the experiment to last for at least 3
months. We might put up daily results of the diet in a special section
we can call the "Red Horse Diaries." I also plan to walk up to random
women and ask them if I can touch their boobies for a social
experiment. Mikey will be following me with a camera outfitted with a
telephoto lens to document everything.
Kinkylube: A double bill review of King Kong and Transporter 2. And generally more bitching.
Emerson : I am currently drafting a multi-volume work on rape. I'm
going to cover all possible scenarios
(male/female/animals/plants/objects) that should really capture a good
cross section of our potential audience.
Pau : Once we figure out the mechanics of it, we're going to set
every other website on the internet ON FIRE! But it's still in the
planning stages because a Google search for "Cyber Matches" keeps
bringing us to the "Atrocities of Friendster" page.
Mike: We are constantly coming up with concepts for new features. In
the next few months, we will have a feature called 'Hostage Hamsters'
wherein we will hold captive 52 hamsters. Every week, if the public
doesn't 'donate' a total of ,000 dollars to our paypal account, we will
be forced to execute one hamster. This will go on until there are no
more hamsters left for our custom-made guillotine to behead or if the
public continues to pay the weekly ransom. Q. Any memorable emails/comments from your readers?
Emerson: A reader asked if she could be my friend.
Kinkylube: Yeah there was one from this chick from girlspoke.com. It
seems that when she found out that we're Asian, she dropped all
correspondence like a hot brick. I mean, don't you think we're sexy? Adam Mordo : Well, we have gotten a whopping ONE email with a boobie pic. We wouldn't mind getting any more though.
Pau : One reader quit her religion and proceeded to found the Church of Man. Q. What do you think are the advantages/disadvantages of having this kind of group blog?
Kinkylube: An advantage would be, if one of the members of the group
is ill or not in the mood to write, the others can fill the gap. A
disadvantage would be, some members might decide to become lazy. Adam Mordo : Well, I've always wanted new friends. I promise not to kill them this time.
Mike : The only disadvantage for me is that I have to share the fame
and glory with six other people. I'm a fame whore and would like to
keep all the fame and glory to myself.
Emerson: It's like having friends without the benefits of having friends.
Pau : Two Words : banana gangbang! (For comments and inquiries, email annalyn.jusay(at)gmail(dot)com)
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