The Steelmeister’s Recipes of Masculinary Genius for the Common Man Who’s Pressed for Budget

Editor: Steel Ventus | Supposedly Under: travel-and-lifestyle | Email this

You’re the average bachelor, living with a couple of equally-lazy dufus in an apartment, getting paid every end of the month. Which means right now, countless bachelors like you are dealing with the realization that you’re running on an almost-empty financial tank. Your bills may be paid via credit card, but how about the rent? Gas? Lap dances? Booze? More importantly, food? Man can’t live on bread alone, unless there’s cheese, pepperoni and onions on top of that bread.

Back in the early days our ancestors lived for many thousands of years without the concept of money or fastfood, but they didn’t have to eat from a bone nor graze on grass to survive. They hunted creatures ten times their size and roasted them over fire. They had a little something which is nowadays called dignity. And you, the dignified man, will quickly learn how to create food for your survival!

And you, the dignified man, will quickly learn how to create food for your survival!

Here are some recipes straight from the Steelmeister’s Cookbook of Masculinary Genius:

The Man Blog Does Dubai

Editor: Steel Ventus | Supposedly Under: travel-and-lifestyle | Email this

The People

Dubai’s general populace is a mixture not only of Arabs, but mostly of all nationalities on the Arab Peninsular, making it a melting pot of diverse cultures and different odors. Although in the suburbs itself, there’s a never a minute that you won’t see an Indian National on the street. If forced to make a guess, I’d say they consist almost half of the city’s people. Imagine the Koreans you see at the malls, who travel in packs cutting in line at the supermarket or the cinema. It’s exactly like that, except that it’s usually an Indian’s neck you wanna snap from behind. The rest of the dwellers comprise of people from Iran, Iraq, Lebanon, Syria, Egypt, Nepal, Pakistan, and the Philippines.

Not these Indians, stupid Google Image Search!

Mad Skillz

Editor: Baddie | Supposedly Under: travel-and-lifestyle | Email this

Turn up the volume of your speakers so you can get the full awesome experience!

PE #3: I think you gave me the wrong link.

Baddie: ...

PE #3: ...

Baddie: Oh riiight. I think I left the link in the car. I’ll go ahead and get it, OK? Be back in a jiffy.

Freska's Beer Balloon

Editor: Pau | Supposedly Under: travel-and-lifestyle | Email this

This is a much delayed post that was supposed to be written weeks ago. Possible reasons for the delay is the fact that we’re all a bunch of lazy imbeciles who are incapable of writing anything which doesn’t lend itself to dick or gay jokes.

Also, most of us have lost the ability to read. And take a bath. Without the assistance of another man. With a rock hard penis. Oh hey, lookit that. Penis and gay jokes! Now this article is halfway done.

On Fitting Rooms

Editor: Adrian Magnaye | Supposedly Under: travel-and-lifestyle | Email this

I hate fitting rooms. It's not really the happiest of experiences when you try to put on the, um, "hippest" clothes, only to find out in dismay that the clothes look horrible on you. And you'd have somebody waiting outside the dressing room, waiting for you to show them how you look.

You cower in one corner, begging to not show them how you look like. Then you'd get a stern voice coming from outside the dressing room, saying "Gerard Adrian, if you don't come out here this very moment, I'll leave you alone in the dressing room. And have that serpent-man who lives in the bowels of the mall come up there and eat you. And I'll throw in a tear gas grenade in there as well. Just get the fuck out!"

Christmas Shopping

Editor: Adrian Magnaye | Supposedly Under: travel-and-lifestyle | Email this

I just realized that it’s only a few more days till Christmas, and I still haven’t shopped for a thing yet. So now I run the risk of losing a sizable number of friends, and I don’t want to lose any more especially after the last time I failed to give anybody anything for Christmas.

But the thing is, I’m sort of broke right now due to a certain really impulsive purchase I made around last week, and I’m contemplating robbing a bank or holding a head of state hostage so that I can afford to give anybody gifts. But everybody knows I am incapable of committing crime, so I’ll probably give head to random passers-by in a secluded Quiapo alleyway. But let’s just pretend I don’t do that and that I’m actually a dangerous convict who robs banks for the heck of it.

So I ran into the mall panting like crazy. It’s only a few days before Christmas. I’m becoming desperate, and time is running out. I need to get gifts. Fast. Before my friends kill me. As I get into the awesomely crowded department store I push about twenty people – including a pregnant woman, an iPod-wearing metro fag with a pink t-shirt on, and an elderly lady – out of my way.

Bim's Sleeping Tips

Editor: Bim Barbieto | Supposedly Under: travel-and-lifestyle | Email this

The Man-Blog was made for the improvement of all mankind. So far, I’d say it’s doing a kick-ass job; we’ve already decreased unemployment by .024% and reduced world hunger by .0058%. Our specialties include hypnosis to reduce stress and bringing back the dead. However, today, we will help the world with one of its most prevalent problems- insomnia.

Last night, I had a shitty case of insomnia. I was literally having conversations with myself in my head. I was thinking about how tidal waves form (I’m not kidding), and what the maximum weight limit a multi-storey parking lot could hold. At around 4am, I was overcome with exhaustion, and I was able to snooze off.

As a good member of society, I would like to welcome you to-

Me and my minions did a little research, and we’d like to share what we’ve learned with you. So, you, be grateful.

Taxi Ride

Editor: Adrian Magnaye | Supposedly Under: travel-and-lifestyle | Email this

Hailing the cab

ME: I need to get to Ortigas. Fast.

DRIVER: Okay. We'll take EDSA?

ME: Whichever way is faster is fine by me, but yes, EDSA sounds good.

DRIVER: Well then, EDSA it is. Brace yourself--

ME: HOLY FUCK DID YOU JUST GO FROM ZERO TO SIXTY IN FIVE SECONDS?!

DRIVER: Actually... zero to sixty-five. Big difference, you know.

ME: But-- but-- YOU DIDN'T EVEN GIVE ME TIME TO PUT MY SEATBELT ON!

DRIVER: Seatbelt? Those big straps by our seats? You mean people use those things? What do they do, protect you from injuries in case of a car crash?

ME: Actually, yes.

DRIVER: Pussy.

How I almost passed out at the gym

Editor: Pau | Supposedly Under: travel-and-lifestyle | Email this

So after almost a year of sitting on my butt and doing an exorbitant amount of getting fat, I finally decided to go back to boxing. I used to go regularly, but I had to stop just before the wedding because my days back then were filled with me avoiding doing wedding preparations.

I vowed then that right after the honeymoon, after we’ve figured out our daily routine, I’d go back to boxing. Unfortunately, just like my promise to stop my crimefighting activities, or to get started on my dancing career, this promise was made to sit on the shelf while a masked, flamenco-dancing vigilante roamed the streets ensuring a better tomorrow for all of us.

You’re welcome by the way.

The Retard's Guide to Urban Transportation: The Taxi... of Love

Editor: Adrian Magnaye | Supposedly Under: travel-and-lifestyle | Email this

If you're one of those who don't have a car and are used to commuting in and around Metro Manila you might be familiar, and most probably apathetic already, to the different modes of transportation available: the jeepney, bus, FX, MRT, motorcycle, tricycle, pedicab, kalesa, diyaryo bote kariton, inflatable raft, and roller blades. All useful for navigating in and around the dangerous streets of the metro.